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Issue 26 |
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10 September
2006 |
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Dragons 25 Ulster
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Ulster
extended their unbeaten run to 16 with yet another win in West England.
The Dragons capatilised on a couple of Ulster mistakes in the first
half to stay in the game but Ulster with superior skills and confidence
pulled away in the second half to secure a bonus point win.
The Ulster scrum and lineout failed to fire for
much of the game but Ulster's backs always looked menacing with
Paddy, Bart and Bryn
all combining well to make ground at every opportunity.
Yet again McCall made good use
of the bench and Ulster really are becoming a force to be reckoned
with this year.
Ulster's scores came from Bryn
(2), Campbell and Maxi and all
four were well worked efforts. The FRU Man of the Match
was Bryn who really is worth a call up to the national
side based on his early season form.
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INTISTA Week 2. |
Have Your Cake... |
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Kimble pulls away at the top of the leader board
now that the midweek games have been added.
Despite a late entry with the midweek fixtures Pwr
fails to score and the Gingerbread Man keeps
up his amazing record of none right out of 12.
Hound is leading the pack at the minute but
Bull and Wolf had solid weeks
and are ready to push on.
Loose Head Poop is still leading the works league
but Stormin Norman has closed the gap. Bruised
Plums and GAAGirl are fighting it out
at the back.
With it all to play for make sure you get your entries
in for 6:00pm Friday 15th Septemeber
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The
FRU's own very round, all-round sports fan ,THP, enjoyed a great
sporting week last week. Firstly he was ''over the moon''
with Norn Iron's historic football victory over Spain
and later he was definitely ''not as sick as a parrot''
when the Ulster Rugby Team triumphed over the Dragons.
However, as a dyed in the wool Southampton Football Club supporter,
the icing on THP's cake(s) was the news that Sir Clive Woodward
was leaving the club after being ''head hunted'' by the
British Olympic Association as Director Elite Performance for the
2012 London Olympics. Speaking exclusively to the FRU, Sir Clive
described his new post ''the biggest challenge in British
Sport'' but thankfully not as difficult as trying
to find a humorous article on the Prologue website or identifying
a topic on which Ballpark was not a self proclaimed expert !!
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FRU PRONOUNCE FATWA ON JOURNALIST |
''The
Front Row Union could do well to scrutinise Tom Court's membership.
Not only does the former Queensland Red tight head boast a degree
in psychology and postgraduate Diploma in organisational psychology,
but the 24 year old's favourite pastime is reading and cites controversial
British Indian essayist and fiction writer Salman Rushdie as his
favourite writer''
Late last night the local Chapter of the Grand
Lodge of the Front Row Union – FRU ( NI ) 123
--met to consider the damaging implications of the above comments
which were contained in an article published in a local daily newspaper
.The meeting, which was lengthy, heated and at times sweaty, lasted
until well after midnight, prompting one erudite FRU member to highlight
that they were indeed ''Midnight's
Children''
!!
After the meeting the following statement was released
by a FRU Spokesman.
"While the FRU welcomes the publicity
afforded to Ulster Rugby in general and in particular the focus
on our new Antipodean member, Mr Thomas Court, we strongly resent
the unmistakable implication in the article that other FRU members
are - in general - a few |
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Ballparks
short of an Olympic Stadium or, in other words , like Jamesie compared
with a fully qualified lawyer.’’ Continuing,
the spokesman emphasised "FRU Members are well
-if not overly -represented in most professions and we will be asking
our Hon President- DR S Millar - to make a formal protest to the
employers of this "jumped up hack". The matter has also
been placed in the hands of our solicitors – Messers Sue Grabbit
& Runne – who will be issuing a mass action for defamation
against the paper on behalf of all FRU members.’’
However, and most worryingly for the
local scribbler, was the spokesman’s final statement when
he solemnly announced "that the militant wing of
the FRU had prevailed in the discussion and a FATWA has been pronounced
on the author."
The FRU spokesman refused to be drawn
any further on this last issue, but as he retreated into the building,
a group of heavily built men – complete with scrum caps and
jock straps were seen leaving by the back door. By the time this
reporter had made his way to the rear of the building all he could
identify was the lingering smell of Deep Heat and the fading sound
of voices which appearing to be chanting "Hanging’s
too good for the …………… we’ll
show him who’s thick’’. |
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Letters
to the Editor |
Send
your letters here.
Master,
Re: Your reference to "trying to find a humorous article
on the Prologue website" - Definitely a case of "Ooh,
err, missus - titter ye not!"
Yours etc
L. Urcio
Dear Eejitor,
I know you may be under severe pressure from the "do gooders
and Graniard Readers of South Kensington and South Belfast"
to make the FRU an inclusive organisation. However to credit the
winning try in Saturday’s match report to a Jessie
Back – Kieran Campbell* – when it was actually
scored by a genuine FRU member – Declan Fitzpatrick
– is tantamount to treason and taking political correctness
too far !!! It will not be tolerated !!!!
Captain Black – Continuity FRU
* Kieran Campbell - Top man, great break but still a Jessie !!
Dear Eedie,
I note that every time the 'boys' and huns
on tour have an article in your e-steamed rag they accompany it
with a group pic which is usually about 6 months out of date as
if trying to remind everyone they actually exist. Unlike the legendary
grousebeaters who have no need for such bogus publicity and are
never ever pictured together in one place at any one time.
Yours,
G. Bater.
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Dear Ed
We note from this weeks issue that the Gras*beaters
seem to have a major deep fried section of potato on their
shoulders. We can't claim to have seen many photos of their esteemed
bunch and their claim that they are, "never ever pictured
together in one place at one time" only backs up our allegation
that they don't actually exist and are the figment of imagination
of some egotistical maniac who uses pictures of farmyard toys to
depict his imaginary friends! Therefore, we wish to challenge said
Gras*beaters to meet us in the Roseburn on Friday night for a group
photo showdown! We expect to see Farmer Grouse and his Tonka Truck
in attendance.
Yours,
The Hounds
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Dear editor person,
I must protest most strongly about your organ. "G Bater"
is not a member of the GB's (fer goodness sake we have better names
than that).
But worst of all, there is the ridiculous picture of a tractor and
trailer which you claim is ours. Just look closely would ye? The
one in your picture is GREEN, our's, as everyone knows, is RED AND
WHITE. Also, the trailer has a wee door thing at the back - our's
doesn't. How else would Boomshanka keep falling out?
On another issue, we would be delighted to have a drink with the
Houds of Ulser in the Rosie. However, there are 2 conditions,
1. They buy (see GB's Code of Honour Paragraph 12 Section 3 Sub-section
5a - this reads, " On no condition will a GB buy drinks for
other fan groups whether real or imaginary").
2. No photographs (Scrumstretcher's arrest warrant is still in force
and we don't want to traumatise the donkey any further).
Yours etc,
Gaz Grousebeater
Dear Thingy,
You seem to have fallen for the old Dead Brain trick. I cannot believe
that you think "G Bater" is actually "Ballpark".
A close study of his letter shows there is a mere 70 -odd words
and most of them are spelt correctly.
I rest my case,
Gaz Grousebeater
Dear Housebeaters,
'One bar to many' is seen as a challenge and I feel that
if we meet at Rutland Headquarters at 15:42 we will be able to be
at the Rosburn Bar at 18:41, attending each bar in turn, allowing
for 28 minutes spontaneous weakness with those 'dancing ladies'
by Moore, Wolf, and then again by Wolf and Moore.
We may be weakened by our ordeal, ravaged by dodgey
Scottish Guinness, and have our numbers depleated by casualties
of lax Embra sauna law, but we should be there. As god is my witness...
etc, etc.
Bull.
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The
Grousebeaters Big Day Out. |
The
Grousebeaters are pleased to announce their first away outing of
the new season. The whole crew, with the exception of Ballpark
who will be left behind to mind the pigs, will be joining
the URSC gathering in the “Rosie”.
This has created some confusion as we were convinced that the “Rosie”
was rather nearer to Ravers than Murrayfield, but we’re just
doing as we’re told,
There is a rumour, probably put out somewhat spuriously by URSC
on Tour, that Chairman Kimble will be supplying
drinks to all fans before the match. Well if Ulster Rugby
doesn’t want the tackle-bags, I think we can all agree Mr
Kimble’s gesture of goodwill towards us all is a most suitable
means of using up Club funds. I would hope that even Cockaleekie
,or whatever his name is, is well impressed.
However, we remain more than a bit suspicious that this is merely
a false promise, made solely with the hope it will encourage more
people to turn up. As a result, we are bringing £3.50 to cover
our own drinks just in case. (Booms is bringing
£1.50 – but he’s from Ballyclare).
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I
hope that those part-time supporters – The Hunds of
Ulter, or The honds of Uster (depending on who actually turns
up) – will be able to find their way to the place, but having
studied their itinerary I suspect it might be just one bar too many.
On the other hand, they might, like Freddie Benson in a bordello,
rise to the challenge. Time will tell. |
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Calling
the Clan of Hounds - Edinburgh Tour 2006 |
The Hounds will be meeting at the Hound's Edinburgh Club House,
Rutland Hotel at 4pm on Friday 15th September, where we will hydrate
and carb up the body for the hard training session ahead. The PACK
as always will lead the way. We will be meeting up with our Scottish
based Brethren there; Wolf, The Bull, Fishy McBride & Monsieur
Moore.
Anyone else going to the Gunners game and would like to joy us
in a bit of light refreshment and craic is more than welcome. After
the game we will be attending our other club house, the Edinburgh
Men's Social Club aka The Western Bar, to discuss the finer details
of the game.
If it is your first time in Edinburgh the Rutland Hotel is situated
on the corner of Shandwick place and Lothian Rd, at the end of Princess
Street. Not the Waverley Bridge/Train Station end.
Hound.
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