The Raven Replies. Week 2.

Written By: Raging Raven on July 28, 2009 No Comment

Another week passes and we’re inundated with yet more questions from our readers. The Raven has given them the once over and here are his considered replies!

Dear FRU,

I enjoy working out in the gym, and indeed the results are starting to show. Unfortunately my team mates insist in playing hip hop beats, such as the appalling Flo Rida, while we’re working out.

Being a bit of an intellectual, I would prefer to “feel the burn” to some of The Classics.

How can I persuade my colleagues to give them a go?

Tom.

The Raven Replies! It must be difficult playing in the front row with such cultured tastes. However, irrespective of the constant blows to the head, I’m surprised that a bright boy like you hasn’t come up with a solution to this conundrum as it’s really quite simple.

Burn a few classical tracks on to a CD and then pimp up the names on the outer cover. Mozart becomes Mozzy Art, Verdi become Ver Die and before too long big Cauldy will be begging you to “slam some jams!”
PS. Don’t let any videos of you working out to the classics get onto YouTube or you may find yourself becoming a gay icon like Bryn!

Dear FRU

I visited your site only to find that you have changed the background theme yet again. By my reckoning you have made more changes than Ulster have had managers over the last few seasons.

When are you going to wise up?

Grumpy. (Cap’n Retd.)

The Raven Replies! Dewi tells me that the last themes, though very nice, made it too difficult to read. This surprised me as I thought people only came on here to look at pictures of drunks and girls or even drunk girls! “The fat one” does assure me that there will be lots of exciting new things in the next few weeks. I think he’s doing a GCSE in Web Wizardry so god knows what it’ll be like!

Dear FRU

I am somewhat in a quandary. My two favourite teams, Bath and Ulster, are playing each other in this years Heineken Cup.

I’ll obviously be supporting Ulster but I am somewhat worried that, when I see the my Bath friends at Ravers, I’ll slip into my West Country Wurzel accent and it’ll take me 15 minutes to shout out “Come on Ulsterrrrr oh ar oh ar”.

Do you have any tips to stop me embarrassing myself?

Flat-Top.

The Raven Replies! I suggest that between now and the big match that you fully immerse yourself in your Ulster heritage. This will involve eating lots of Ulster Frys, Champ and Wheaten Bread and going on lots of marches while listening to the Pride of the Boyne Flute Band on your iPod.

I also suggest that you practice shouting “Come on Ulsterrrr” at Bath matches until you can get it down to three minutes.

Do you have a critical question to improve your game as a player or supporter? You too can ask the Raven using the comments section below!

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Tags: Bath, Bryn Cunningham, Cap'n Grumpy, Flat Top, The Raven, Tom Court, Ulster Rugby