Rugby Brain or old Fart?
I’ll start this week’s blog by thanking the Ulster players who turned in at Newforge to reveal their innermost thoughts on the 6N and associated matters. Well done fellas and hopefully we’ll see you at a few more of these events before the end of the season. Whilst attending Newforge on Wednesday evening I had my AGM with the owner of this illustrious site. Dewi revealed he’d been under pressure of recent times, unable to update the site as much as he’d have liked but that his bowels were now experiencing functionality again and he would be playing to par once more. Alright that last bit about bowels is a lie. Indeed I’d admit to a touch of surprise when Dewi asked if I’d do a 6N preview for the FRU.
I imagine Dewi had a senior moment as he’d forgotten you need a touch of rugby knowledge to comment on the 6N. I clearly haven’t, which is why ‘avid’ readers of this blog will have noticed by now that I rarely touch matters of rugby technicality. Instead I prefer to dwell on the outer rim of rugby society picking up morsels of semi fact and repackaging them as tasty titbits intended to sound important. All this will come as a shock to the many posters who berated me on messageboards for sounding knowledgeable, important and sonorous on all matters pertaining to Ulster rugby, Irish oval ball and international gouging. Now I have got that off my 36 inch chest I will return to what I do best, bringing you the sizzle with the drizzle.
Does He manicure his Nails?
This week BJ Botha, aka The Judge, Ulster’s erstwhile Springbok prop is back in the motherland soaking up the rays. No more getting in the 4 wheel drive, making sure the windies are shut and pumping up the heater. The judge, tells us in his weekly SA paper column that he’s swanning around poolside, driving with his windies down and generally hanging out with his former teammates. Most revealing of all he’s soaking up vitamin D after his sojourn under the perennially dark skies of Ulster.
Whatever next? Practitioner’s of the dark arts soaking up the sun. The ghost of Robbie Kempson will be turning in his grave. He of the chalk white complexion and heart of rugby darkness would never have admitted to such namby pamby stuff as sunbathing and vitamin D intake!!! Next week’s scrums at Newforge should be interesting as the front row union attempt to restore pride and uniformity amongst its membership.
Of course BJ is merely pandering to his readership out on the veldt as he has already singlehandedly redesignated Ravenhill’s capacity to 18,000 and alleged 140kph winds there whilst he was wrapped up in bed with the flu. Sanity should be restored when he returns to his natural habitat at the top table of tightheads in world rugby.
I do wonder though. Does he manicure his nails?
Unrequited World
The tilted world of Cillian and Gillian, belly upped on Wednesday night. I have to report that Gillian’s unquenchable quest to meet Cillian Willis, Ulster’s scrum half, burnt out like a Nasa space vehicle re-entering the atmosphere, on Wednesday when he failed to appear at the 6N preview.
All is not lost however.
As Cillian exited stage left, so Ian Whitten hove into view as the next big thing in Gillian’s world. Goodbye Cillian, hello Ian. Standby for further revelations, (no not Andrew Trimble’s bible readings),
Messageboard Messianics
Wednesday night at Newforge was a chance to meet the old and chat with the new. The readership will be aware that Holywood Mike had been elevated to the status of known reader no. 4 as an acknowledged member of the exclusive club who read this blog and have admitted as such. Well a week can be a long time in blogging and after speaking to Mike on Wednesday night I can reveal that he has been demoted to ‘maybe known reader no. 4′ given his reticent response to my queries on last week’s blog.
As one oldie disappears like a 90 cap veteran of the O’Sullivan years so another steps up to the mark. All hail to Ithyrn who hailed me with a minor twinkle in his eye and a querulous, ‘I know who you are!’ I of course denied I was Ballpark, but Ithryn is the persevering type and pressed home his attack. I wilted and owned up after espousing the qualities of this blog.
Colzo was reminded of the time he made my acquaintance in a Dublin pub pre Leinster match about a year and a bit ago. I’m not convinced he remembered me though I certainly remember him despite his recent attempts to remodel himself as a latter day Humphrey Bogart. A year is a long time in the life of a student and Colzo maybe doesn’t want to be reminded of his pink and blue rinse. Well if you step out in a Dublin pub with such a hairdo its only natural folk will remember you, however scathingly.
Colzo and Ithryn, as is normal these days were being minded by the mother ship, Goody. Also in the mix was the Right Reverent (original) Kimble and his side kick Cap’n (Mainwaring) Grumpy. Kimble was looking, for all the world like a retired diva as he posed for photos and voiced various clichés about community identity in rugby to a student from Stirling University. I’m always suspicious of people asking which you identify with most, Ireland or Ulster?
My answer is Ulster.
Not for any political reason but because it’s what I’m closest to in terms of something tenable that you can touch and be part of. The Irish rugby team is just that bit remote.
Remote Irish Rugby Team
I may be the only one not getting too carried away by the Irish team in Croke Park yesterday and you can blame it on my lack of rugby knowledge. Yes, cracking game but a few things seemed to stymie my joy. Tomas O’Leary box kicked away possession in the first half at a time when Ireland were under the cosh from a French back three who ran everything back with interest. What stymied the French was when their forwards got their mits on the ball out wide or in the middle of the park. It generally sucked momentum out of the play, allowing Irelands outside backs to cover back and tackle. Nearly all of the tries came from mis matches in defence with both Ireland’s hookers being caught out in this way. If your gonna cover out on the wing then expect to be critiqued if you fail.
For all the talk of Paddy Wallace as a second 5 8th, he saw precious little of the ball in hand and appears for all the world like he’s keeping the position warm for Gordon D’Arcy. Likewise, for all Ferris’s excellence in the back row I would suggest Leamy will be back before you can say Italy in Rome. With D’Arcy in the backline there will be next to no ball for the outside backs, he simply isn’t a distributor and after Irelands win yesterday expect to see attacking reins tied tighter.
I do not like George Hook. He is a bombastic bum blast looking to impress with his soundbite punditry and panders to the thicker echelons of Irish rugby society. He did however mention something that caught my attention which was that the backs were busy rucking the ball. As a result Ireland’s first try came from a forward in space without so much as a back within passing distance. One characteristic of the game was the number of forwards out wide running the ball. All well and good if rugby excitement is your forte at the expense of backs being able to play the ball in space.
There was the battle of the no.8’s which made for brilliant viewing and if Ireland had lost, the MOTM would have went to Harry Doaky of France rather than Ireland’s 8, Jamie Heaslip. BOD’s try will attract plaudits, but he spent most of his time in defence, whilst defence didn’t exist were the revolving door was concerned.
Twice O’Gara was used as a doormat in the build up to tries by France and this will surely come home to roost when we play Wales. For sure, teams will now target O’Gara no matter who is at 12. Philip Matthews, remember him? Ex Ulsterman now ‘Leinster’ commentator referred to the 10/12 channel more than once as a weak link, whilst it seemed to me that the weak link was the 10 channel. It simply didn’t exist as twice O’Gara was run over as if like a hapless pedestrian caught in downtown traffic.
Matthews I’d a lot of time for as a player but on moving to Dublin and marrying into Irish rugby aristocracy he exhibits all the foibles of someone who goes out of his way to show he isn’t in any way biased towards his country of birth. Unfortunately this comes across as a form of snobbery and a refusal to call it as it is. Therefore Matthews informs viewers, when O’Gara fluffs a tackle, that it’s the 10/12 channel at odds rather than what it is. A missed tackle by O’Gara and nothing to do with the 12 channel at all.
I switched to catch the dying embers of the Italy/England game and found it to be on BBC HD. Imagine my surprise when the Ireland/France match turned out to be on lowly TV ordinaire. Better still they read the news at half time, spoke about the England game and had the syncopated Keith Wood gobbing pleasantries in the studio. Fine player as he was, Wood is Hook in reverse gear, afraid to say anything at all that might smack of criticism. As a result he comes across as benign. A panda bear with all the dentistry of a gnat.
As a license paying TV viewer I demand better standards of BBC than this watery presentation.
99’s
Well since it was the month, ten years after, I suppose I’d better add my tuppence worth to the great 1999 celebrations marking Ulster’s last serious title tilt. Mention 99 or 99’s and my favourite memories of ice cream and a chocolate flake cause the lips to moisten even in these days of diet and culinary sobriety. Some rugby aficos might think of the Lions, an Ulster legend and the fictional or otherwise 99 call. For this Ulster supporter there is only one 99 and that is Ulster’s European Cup triumph, ten years ago.
How I started out with 6 tickets and almost ended up with none and an extended family civil war is for another time. Needless to say I made it to Dublin and had a great day out. My 10 years late thanks to the Instonian youth who donated me his Ulster scarf in the toilets of a Dublin hostelry. Very drunk and in unbelievable good humour the Inst man handed me his Ulster scarf simply as recognition of being there.
That was one of the days of my life when Dublin metamphorsed into little Ulster and a hatful of memories.
As BJ Botha, aka the Judge might say, chat soon!
Corrections, comments or questions?