The Presidents (Chairman’s) Campaign

Well it would be remiss of us not to cover the campaign for the appointment of officers of the URSC. So far the only one to enter the race for the ‘wee room at the back of Ravers’ is the one and the only Original Kimble.

But what does this candidate stand for? Well we have an interview below which should help you make up your mind.

Reporter: Good evening Kimmy sir, it is a pleasure to finally catch up with you after what must have been a grueling campaign for office.
TOK: Well it is a pleasure to be with you too. I have had a very tough time just recently what with monthly meeting with incessant questions coming from that Cocky guy and the other Ballsy one. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times you rephrase the same answer that they should go fu…

Reporter: Ahem, Kimmy sir if we could just concentrate on the Election for now.
TOK: Oh yes, of course, well I want to see a club that is fully accountable and transparent to all its members, except for those two conniving….

Reporter: Cough, cough.. Sir
TOK: I want to see a club that organises events that will bring ‘shock an awe’ to the membership.

Kimbles unique poster campaign!

Kimbles Election HQ - somewhere in Co.Down!

Reporter: Oookaaay, so you would organise these events and
TOK: Now hold a minute I didn’t say that

Reporter: oh right I thought you said ‘shock and awe’
TOK: Yes but not me as in personally me, no one of the other plebs…

Reporter: Ahem
TOK: That’s a bad cold there my boy, where was I ? Oh yes one of the other committee members will be put in charge of these events.

Reporter: Have you anyone in mind for this?
TOK: Well it would need to be some you can trust, someone who’s judgment is sound, some one who can communicate with the Press, the membership and not to mention with the rest of the committee. So I was thinking Stanley Graham would be just the man for the job.

Reporter: Right…..(nervous laugh). Okay. Well then, moving on, what is your view on matters of importance for the club?
TOK: What do you mean like?

Reporter: Well the likes of the Maze for instance?
TOK: No comment. (Long silence)
I know what you media types are like (A knowing smile reaches across his face) I saw what you did to our beloved Stanley G.

Reporter: I see … (a very nervous laugh) well what about whether the URSC and UR should continue with their ‘official’ relationship.
TOK: Ah ha, I knew it. You’re at it again.

Reporter: At what?
TOK: You see, you just want me to comment and then pounce on my answer.

Reporter: No sir, we are trying to give coverage to your cam..
TOK: That’s it no more answers to questions this interview is over! (Mr. Kimble storms out of the room).

We hope to catch up with the campaign trail over the next few days, so keep checking in.

Filed by our political affairs reporter Ira D Commissioned

Energy company, Powergran, ends sponsorship of rugby union’s domestic cup.

"The deal came to a natural conclusion for us as a business," said Powergran's head of sponsorship Mike Thompson, before adding off camera, “Right dahling, where can I get a decent pink gin with ice – there is nothing but bloody Guinness in this Bored Room?”

As a result, rugby union's Anglo-West Anglo Powergran Cup is banjaxed just one year into its pathetic existence. The Cup had proved popular with fans of the BBC and the owners of the Welsh clubs, who relished the opportunity to get a run out against the Premiership second strings, but at its inception it almost led to the disbandment the fledgling Celtic League. Incensed that the West English wanted to play with the East English, and not their Celtic Cousins, the jilted relatives sneaked over the Irish Sea and nicked all the Welshmen’s balls.

However, the Rugby Football Union and Premier Rugby said Powergran had helped the competition become almost a great success. “They put a lot of money in the pot and we shared some of it with the Welsh, who gave it to the Scots and Irish so that they could have their balls back,” said a spokeswoman. “So you see; everybody was happy except the bloody Welsh who, lets face it, haven’t been happy campers since Edward gave Prince Llywelyn a jolly good royal rodgering at the battle of Irfon Bridge 1182.”

"Our focus now is to find a new partner who will be as committed as Powergran weren’t so that we can continue to have another exciting flop next year”, added RFU business operations director Paul Vaughan.

No one from Ulster Rugby was available to comment, again!

Committee Under Cover.

We all know that the URSC Committee has been getting a bit of stick (from one man in particular) over the last few months.

However this picture of a recent, secret, committee meeting shows that they may be about to go on the attack. Look out Dead Ball!

URSC Committee pictured near to Ballyclare.